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Encountering denial, notably when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. Someone is turning you down, giving a definite “No.” Working in writing, I am familiar with setbacks. I began proposing manuscripts 50 years back, just after college graduation. Since then, I have had multiple books declined, along with nonfiction proposals and countless essays. In the last two decades, concentrating on personal essays, the denials have only increased. On average, I face a setback frequently—amounting to in excess of 100 times a year. Cumulatively, rejections over my career exceed a thousand. At this point, I could have a master’s in rejection.

But, is this a woe-is-me outburst? Far from it. As, now, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted rejection.

In What Way Have I Managed It?

Some context: At this point, almost everyone and their distant cousin has rejected me. I haven’t kept score my acceptance statistics—it would be deeply dispiriting.

As an illustration: lately, a publication rejected 20 articles consecutively before accepting one. A few years ago, no fewer than 50 publishing houses rejected my book idea before someone accepted it. A few years later, 25 literary agents passed on a nonfiction book proposal. A particular editor even asked that I submit articles less frequently.

My Seven Stages of Setback

Starting out, all rejections stung. I took them personally. It was not just my creation was being turned down, but myself.

Right after a submission was turned down, I would start the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, shock. How could this happen? Why would editors be blind to my skill?
• Next, denial. Certainly it’s the incorrect submission? It has to be an oversight.
• Third, dismissal. What can they know? Who made you to decide on my efforts? You’re stupid and their outlet stinks. I deny your no.
• Fourth, anger at the rejecters, then frustration with me. Why would I do this to myself? Am I a martyr?
• Fifth, bargaining (often accompanied by delusion). What does it require you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, depression. I lack skill. What’s more, I’ll never be successful.

So it went through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Company

Of course, I was in good fellowship. Accounts of authors whose work was originally declined are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was originally turned down. Since they did overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his school team. Most American leaders over the recent history had earlier failed in elections. The filmmaker estimates that his movie pitch and desire to star were turned down repeatedly. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and get going, instead of giving up,” he stated.

Acceptance

As time passed, when I entered my later years, I reached the final phase of setback. Understanding. Today, I better understand the many reasons why a publisher says no. Firstly, an editor may have just published a like work, or have something in progress, or simply be contemplating a similar topic for another contributor.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is of limited interest. Or the evaluator feels I lack the credentials or reputation to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the market for the work I am offering. Or didn’t focus and reviewed my work too fast to appreciate its value.

Go ahead call it an epiphany. Everything can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Many explanations for rejection are always not up to you.

Within Control

Others are under your control. Honestly, my proposals may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and resonance, or the idea I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Or something about my writing style, especially commas, was annoying.

The key is that, regardless of all my long career and setbacks, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve authored multiple works—the initial one when I was 51, another, a memoir, at 65—and over numerous essays. These works have featured in newspapers large and small, in regional, worldwide sources. My debut commentary was published when I was 26—and I have now written to many places for five decades.

Yet, no blockbusters, no book signings in bookshops, no features on talk shows, no presentations, no prizes, no Pulitzers, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can more easily accept no at 73, because my, admittedly modest achievements have eased the jolts of my many rejections. I can now be philosophical about it all at this point.

Educational Setbacks

Rejection can be educational, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will likely just keep taking rejection all wrong. What lessons have I acquired?

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